She Is Sunshine

Always Was, Always Will Be

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

She is Betty Sunshine. Not her real last name, but the name I gave her in my heart because it is perfect for her. I’ve written about her once before and I’m going to share those words here before I continue with today’s writing….

Betty is pure joy! She laughs at anything and everything. She is as carefree as I could ever hope to be. I truly think it would be impossible to stay in a bad mood if you are near her.

I was the lucky recipient of her joy for an hour and a half the other day. And I was determined to savor every moment of it. That may sound like an obvious statement; I mean, why wouldn’t I savor it? Why wouldn’t I soak in all the joy any moment has to offer? For me, that answer is fear. Fear of what happens next. The joy of Betty or any other joy isn’t going to last. It will be time to go our separate ways, it will be time to get back to work, it will be time to face whatever struggles are waiting for me, both physically and mentally. So why bother? It’s just so temporary. Just so fleeting.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching this week about savoring joy, however short-lived it may be. For that matter, I’ve been desperately looking for it, as it seems more and more difficult to find. The world feels heavy, life feels heavy. The clock keeps ticking and while I know that time is flying by, this week has felt discouragingly slow. My heart doesn’t like the pathways that my brain keeps going down.

But I am determined. I am determined to find the joy, even without Betty being nearby. I am determined to create the joy for myself and savor every precious moment! I read so many great posts on Substack that remind me about the impermanence of life, about the preciousness of time.

So I am learning to recognize/ to find/ to create more joy, more fun, more contentment in as much of my daily life as possible. Will it last? No. Will it change the big picture of my world? No. Will it change my heart? Yes!

Betty changed my heart that day. As I laughed with her, my brain tried to tell my heart to be careful, that it would only break harder one day when she’s gone. Because she will be gone, she’s receiving hospice care. But I was by her side that day, and she was by mine. And we had fun, and we made each other laugh, and that made others nearby laugh also. And as joy that is shared does, it multiplied. It grew despite whatever was weighing on any of us. It grew in their hearts, and it grew in mine.

And yes, our time together that day did end, but I smiled all the way home. It was the most I had smiled all week. And forty-eight hours later, I’m still smiling as I tell you about it. Will I be so blessed as to get another chance to share joy with her again? I don’t know. Maybe she will be gone. (For all I know, maybe I will be gone.) Is the clock still ticking with the same chaos as before? Yes. Does that make it any less valuable? No, it makes it more valuable!

I will always cherish the memories of that day. It’s etched onto my heart. That’s where joy belongs. Take care of your heart, give it Joy every day. Feel the warmth of it, share it with others. It adds Hope to life, it adds Kindness to the day. It lingers, and it grows, and it lights the path no matter how dark it may seem sometimes.

I wrote those words 11 months ago. And I will continue to smile every time I think about her. She will always be Betty Sunshine to me. But right now my heart is sad, Betty passed away a few days ago. To say I will miss her is an incredible understatement. I have already closed my eyes many times to remember, to see and hear her joy, to feel her sunshine warming my heart.

I don’t “do” New Year’s resolutions. I have my goals and habits I want to focus on, but I stay away from that word as it feels superficial as belonging to the changing of the calendar. I honestly had no intention of even writing today, but Betty brought me here.

As I sit here in this new day, new year, with new chances, and new hope (for I insist on having Hope), I will remember Betty Sunshine’s warmth, and her easy laughter at the most ordinary of moments. And I will remember Joy and Love.

My 2026 (and every year after) Sunshine List

More Warmth

More Laughter

More Joy

More Love

All streaming forward, all shining brightly, like Sunshine.